Love Don’t Come Easy

In the first of what we hope will be some regular guest blogs, Lloyd @TreharrisonFord kindly lets us reproduce his blog from his searchingforaffinity site.

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Love Don’t Come Easy

A combination of things has kept me from updating this as often as I thought, or indeed hoped, I would. It’s mainly been apathy though, and I’m afraid that might be some kind of metaphor for my affinity quest at the moment.

This is my second year’s season ticket at Cardiff Arms Park. I enjoyed the first season, and was looking forward to seeing whether the affinity flickers I felt would ignite into something more in this second season. Especially with the Danny Wilson revolution on the field really appearing to kick on early in 16/17.

However, a few awkward kick off times for me personally in November and December meant I went practically two months without going (although in fact I only missed four matches) Since then the wheels have come off the affinity train somewhat, just like on the field. 

I’m afraid that I am questioning whether I ought to continue on this quest with the Cardiff Blues into a third season. Part of me thinks I should continue, another part of me wonders whether I should try someone else and yet another part of me wonders whether I should bother at all.

I should clarify that there are a lot of things I like about the Cardiff Blues. Believe it or not I like the fact that they are a little bit shit. I have grown to really like a lot of their players. Filise, obviously. Blaine Scully, Tom James, Josh Navidi, Dan Fish as well as exciting new signings Nick Williams, Willis Halaholo and somewhat surprisingly Steve Shingler. I like that a lot of supporters of the other 3 pro teams and semi pro/amateur teams dislike them. I even like the weird arrogance of elements of the support who think that we aren’t a little bit shit now or ever were or that it’s temporary. I like the location of the stadium and it’s proximity to Urban Tap House, the city arms and brew dog on Westgate Street. I like the way they ran a community training day for kids at the rugby club in Treharris during half term. I like they way they support the stay strong for Ows charity efforts. I even like the pink striped change strip. I like the plastic pitch and the way it makes only Blaine Scully bleed. I like that the Arms Park is famous and I love the terrace. I like the way that Cardiff Blues supporters tear into each other on social media over whether they focus enough/too much on the Cardiff/Blues element. 

I didn’t expect the above list to be quite so extensive when I started this entry, but there is still something not quite there with my feelings towards the organisation.

There are a lot of things I dislike too.

I dislike that I can’t go in the clubhouse because I didn’t pay £40 on top of my season ticket. I dislike the fact that if I had paid it I would have to take off my famous/beloved BLUES bobble hat to go in. I dislike the plastic feeling pack bar that the bouncers outside club house directed me to. I disliked that I was then stuck in the ground for an hour before and only allowed in the pack bar, the creepy bars under the south stand or buying a drink from a caravan and standing on the terrace. I actually think I dislike a lot about Cardiff Arms Park, despite what I wrote earlier. I dislike the extremely limited range of merchandise in the club shop.

I really dislike the ‘Blues’ suffix. I don’t want to get too political as it’s something people get worked up about, and I suppose that on some level I still don’t feel like it’s MY team. Personally, I’ve concluded that I’m not all that bothered about the name Cardiff or the illustrious history of Cardiff RFC. I never watched them before Wales went to 5 then 4 professional teams. Despite not being from Cardiff I don’t have and so can’t really relate to the special dislike which provincial towns reserve for the ‘big city’ so I wouldn’t scream for the name to be dropped. But equally it wouldn’t bother me personally if it was. It would bother me if they just became ‘Blues’ though. I just feel it is such a dull name. How can you rally behind it? 

There are some things that go beyond dislike and into the realms of hatred though. I think this is what is causing my affinity crisis. It all revolves around match day experience. I hate having to check and double check what time and day the next home game kicks off. I hate that the Arms Park is rarely full (because I love it when it is) I hate that it isn’t really worth going to the ground more than 10 minutes before kick off. I hate that the standard of refereeing in the pro 12 is so bad so often that you have to question whether it is incompetence or corruption. I hate that the people who run the pro 12 keep talking bollocks about American and Canadian teams joining. I hate that the Italian teams are shit. I hate that one of the 3 home games I would most look forward to is always played next door at the Principality Stadium because of Judgement Day. I hate Judgement Day. 

Most of all, and I am trying to choose words carefully to not sound like a total loser, I hate that none of my mates are interested and so I end up more often than not going and standing on my own. It’s unbelievably tough to make an emotional investment in something by yourself. I have managed to go with groups of mates to the Arms Park a few times this season and most of the things I dislike and some of the things I hate can be overlooked because the match day experience is improved tenfold.

I mentioned in one of my older posts that my brother is an Ospreys season ticket holder and that I went to Rodney Parade with him, his friends and some of the famous and infamous of Welsh Rugby Twitter. It was probably the best match day experience of last season. The improvement in match day experience had very little to do with Rodney Parade as it is almost identically in terms of what is going on pre/post match as the Arms Park. I did it again this season and it was the same. I also went to the Liberty to watch Cardiff Blues be absolutely destroyed by the Ospreys, and again it was one of the best match day experiences. The three best match day experiences of my last two years have been where I’ve been surrounded by fucking Ospreys fans! 

This has what has led me to my dilemma. Come the end of the season I will have three choices.

1. I can do all the stuff i like about Cardiff Blues without a season ticket and without a proper emotional investment. I can watch on the TV and pick a handful of games to choose to go to with friends a season.
2. I can carry on trying to make the emotional investment despite all the dislikes and hates, and difficulties the Billy no mates for 90% of matches brings.
3. I can see whether the affinity Gods will smile on me elsewhere. 

I really want to watch pro rugby regularly. I want to make an emotional investment and love a team. Why do they make it so bloody difficult!?